Haih

Ayah : Kakak balik Penang bila?

Me : On 30th, I gotta be there earlier, dapat duk college. (Saja mention tu to show that I've scored a good pointer)

Ayah : Oh, ayah nak jumpa you tomorrow's evening. Boleh? (Wtf, he did not even bother bout that college thing, tak tanya pun balik naik apa. WTV)


Ayah texted me just now, asking me when am going back to Penang? Well i know, its just a fishy starting text, I'm a smart kitty, i can smell it. Here's a fucking thing, ever since he's married to that fucking bitch, everything has changed like A to Z. EVERY FUCKING THING. And aku tahu ayah nak jumpa ni sebab benda yang negative. Gonna be either what ive done before or pasal sedara mara dia yang selalu scorned me in such filthy way, macam aku hina sgt. Macam dorang tu mulia sangat. Aku tahu hidup aku ni bersosial, tp aku tak hipokrit. Even a lil, i never and ever bother bout what when where's yang dorang buat. Sampai nak stalk aku kat FB lah bagai, pergi mampus.

And ayah, why cant you ever spend couple of hours with our daddy and daughter day? Never, you never did. I know youve been busy with this and that, but its been like YEARS ayah, YEARS. Bila nak jumpa je, mesti nak cakap bout my demeanour, bla bla bla. Im eighteen and ive been living these past eight fucking years like all by myself. Ever since ibu has left me.

You want me to change? Okay, yes sho i will. But in my own way, my own perception. Dont even bother bout what i do, this and that tho. I am fucking sick, i try to be a good daughter of yours. I am at my best everytime i wanna ive it a shot, but ya. Semua tak menjadi, because those shit aint happen as what have you wished for. Didnt mean to betray you, like never and ever. But im a human, im not perfect andim sick standing all alone on these two foot.